Iris
by Spinx
Summary: Jason reflects about his life now that his love is gone. IRISsongfic


**Disclaimer: I do _not_ own any characters from the story I'm deriving my song from, and I especially _do not_ own the song.**

Author's note: Hello there! Spinx here! This is my first time to write a song fic. I'm not sure if song fics are okay with movies, but I really feel that this song can be matched with Jason Bourne's situation after Marie died _in the movie_. It's just that people from the net said that Marie didn't die from books 1 to 4. You know, the original story. The producers or the script writers of The Bourne movies might have changed some of the parts from the original. I'm not sure of that because I myself haven't read the book by Robert Ludlum and also because I just read this from the reviews of the movie so you can take check it out too if you wanna make sure.

Well, I chose the song, Iris, by Goo Goo Dolls from the movie City of Angels. I hope the fans of 'City of Angels' wouldn't get mad at me from using the song to another movie like The Bourne Supremacy and The Bourne Identity.

(Oh, and, hehe, if you're interested, can you guys see my other work in the anime category? Yes, I'm an anime fan, but I also love movies like this. My work is under 'Gravitation', and the title is 'Shuichi's Past'. If you're not aware of the plot of Gravitation, well, basically it's about homosexuals—and the original plot is really good. If you can't find my work, just type: fanfiction dot net and then do this:/spinx)

Here goes:

_IRIS_   
_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

'_**Cause I know that you feel me somehow**_

_**You're the closest thing to heaven that I'll ever be **_

_**And I don't want to go home right now**_

As he walked away from the daughter of the parents Jason killed before, he felt a pang of raw emptiness all over again—from the day Marie died underwater.

He remembered that moment, as if it just happened a while ago, when the assassin thought it was him who was driving, he shot Marie clear from behind the head and sent the wheel on loose, which made it fall from the bridge.

He could still see the way Marie's body was so steady. Her closed eyes so peaceful, her skin pale against his. Her glorious, curly golden locks floating all around her.

He tried to revive her, so many times, trying to give her enough oxygen, even knowing that she was already loosing blood from the moment she got shot.

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Things weren't so easy without her now. She used to be his shoulder when he needed someone to cling onto. She used to be there, right beside him on their bed, to comfort him right after he wakes up from his nightmares. She used to be the one who urged him to write on that notebook, because she, more than he, had a lot of hope that someday, something good will come back to him.

But like what he said, he always remembered something good. Always.

But only referring to his life with his beloved Marie.

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Now how can he possibly remember the good things when she was gone? He still can't remember his whole past and there's nothing in store for him in the future. He who have killed numbers of important people, he who have damaged innocent lives, how can he live in peace from now on? Knowing that Marie was his only hope, the one fate sent him so that he could have a new life.

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A piece of heaven. That was what Marie was. She always did anything for him. From the moment they both fell for each other, she never left him.

Ironically, she could have run away when she had the chance. Could have started a different path from his dangerous one.

But no, she chose to stay with him. For better or worse. No matter what happened. She was going to be with him whether he wanted to or not. _What an incredible, strong angel._ He thought.

If there was anything he wanted that moment, anything at all, he would choose Marie over his own life. Even guilt was consuming him now. It if weren't for him, she wouldn't be dead.

If it weren't for him on the first place, she wouldn't be with him at all. They could have ended their connection a long time ago.

When he asked her to leave the car when they were being chased at, she still stayed with him.

And guess what,

_He_ wanted her to stay too. Deep inside, he did.

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_And all I can taste is this moment_ _And all I can breathe is your life_ 'Cause sooner or later it's over 

_**I just don't want to miss you tonight**_

He remembered the nights when he would just watch that lovely blonde across his bed, drifting into a peaceful dream, and felt as if there was no tomorrow and what mattered was that she was there and she was staying for him.

She changed her appearance for him, from brunette to an angelic blonde. And whatever change she made, she always looked so damn beautiful. So damn irresistible.

One look from those eyes and he knew, he knew that there was still hope.

So in those nights, he just savored those moments, because somehow, someway, at the back of his head, these wonderful, precious moments would end.

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Where was he to go now? Home used to be where Marie was, and now that Marie is gone, is there any home for him?

Marie was his last chance of a better life. What chance does he have left? Move on? Is that it? It's always easier said than done. Who the hell invented those words anyway? 'Move on'. How the hell can you move on when you don't even know _where_ to start? How can one move on when one doesn't know _how_ to start either?

With Marie, he had done that. He had moved on. Because she was there to help him. One step at a time. And never letting go until the end. Until _her_ end. He thought bitterly.

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And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand 

_**When everything's made to be broken**_

_**I just want you to know who I am**_

Even though Jason was just a stranger, even though they had nothing in common, Marie accepted him. She accepted him with wide open arms and a warm welcoming to sum it all up.

She had faith in him, when he had no faith in himself. She trusted his instincts, when he thought he was about to shatter. She protected him, when he didn't have a place to go to.

Marie was like that. She didn't care who he was, and didn't mind what his real name was. She didn't care where he came from, even though he speaks almost a dozen languages. She, most of all, didn't care what he did, so as long he promises to change for a better life.

How many chances like that do you get nowadays?

Almost next to none.

Like it's impossible for an ex-killer to be saved by an angel.

Like it was a total miracle.

And it was.

Their love was a miracle.

_She_ was a miracle.

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And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming 

_**Or the moment of truth in your lies**_

_**When everything seems like the movies**_

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive 

So it's just like that. The woman of his life just dies and he's left here on earth to battle his own war alone. Always alone. That's the way it should be. That's the way it always should be.

He shouldn't have involved himself with someone. He shouldn't have fallen for someone like Marie. If he didn't, he wouldn't be feeling the hot traces of tears slowly sliding down his flushed cheeks. If he didn't, he wouldn't feel as lonely as ever. If he didn't, maybe he could have ended his life a long time ago.

But Marie wouldn't like that. She wouldn't even like it to know that he was thinking this way. Marie would want him to think differently. Marie would want him to face his life with courage. Marie would want him to stop thinking about the past, and start thinking about the present. Yes, it's true that without the past, there is no future. But what makes up the future is the present, and the present is where he lives today.

And he has to change that if he wants to begin again.

Though everything seems so untrue, he had to force himself to concentrate. Even though for the past recent years his life was a complete fake, at least he had one true person with him. And she made him sane and happy. Happier than he could ever be in his entire life.

Now he thinks, it's such a wonder how love can change a person's life. A person's whole world. A person's destiny.

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_**And I don't want the world to see me**_

'_**Cause I don't think that they'd understand**_

_**When everything's made to be broken**_

_**I just want you to know who I am**_

"This your store?" A man asked, wearing a white polo with its sleeves rolled up and some khaki pants to match the weather.

"Yeah." Marie replied, her head bent down, looking for something.

"It's nice. A little hard to find… but…"

And then Marie slowly spun around. Slowly remembering a promise someone made to her before. This man's voice was familiar, and his statement… could it be? …

A smile crept at both faces.

"Think I could ride a scooter?" Jason asked.

Marie had to cover her mouth to prevent herself from smiling.

"You have I.D.?" she blurted out, teasing him.

"Not really." He teased back. And all happiness came rushing in their worlds.

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"You should write it down." Marie urged, while they stayed outside the veranda, feeling the soft breeze around them.

"For two years, we've been scribbling in that notebook—

"It hasn't been two years—

"It's always bad, and now, it's just the same thing, over and over again." He complained. He just dreamt about one of his missions, but as always, not everything comes back to him, and as always, he has to write it down on this notebook wherein maybe someday, he can put all the puzzles together.

"But that's why we write it down," she began softly, her smile seething with hope, "because sooner or later, you'll remember something good."

There was a long pause of silence between them and Jason looked up to her,

"I do remember something good… all the time." He replied, staring at those eyes that brought him happiness more than ever.

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"It's never gonna be over like this. I don't want—

"We don't have a choice!" Jason cut her in while they both panicked upon the arrival of a man who was trying to catch them.

"Yes you do."

And that simple statement made it all clear to him.

I just want you to know who I am 

_**I just want you to know who I am**_

_**I just want you to know who I am…**_


End file.
